There are days I wish I wasn’t so involved in running my hedge fund so I could correct the glaring mistakes I read about every day in the paper. Government programs for this, relief aid for that and a whole lot of fluff in the middle.
The most obvious mistake our government is currently making is putting billions of dollars toward something called “school breakfast” instead of toward my friends in Silicon Valley, NASA or Wall Street. We are feeding children twice each morning instead of building a colony on the moon!
I don’t want to blame all of this on Obama. He’s a nice fellow and he accepts my contributions with grace and deference. But he does give off that whole “went to Columbia before Harvard” vibe, and I’m not even sure if he went to a prep school. You can’t really blame him for choosing a Harvard Law degree instead of a Harvard MBA, thousands of my acquaintances made the same easy mistake.
However, Columbia or not, surely he must realize that children eat breakfast at home and not at school, right? We spend three billion dollars a year on this redundant program, money that could be funneled directly toward tax breaks for angel investors, researching emerging energy markets on the moon and eliminating the capital gains tax! But “no!” whine the nation’s already sated youth, “we want another brie omelet once we get to school!”
There are opportunities for my fund that we have not begun to explore simply because the government is completely lacking common sense. Why is it that we are allowing this nation’s already-fed youth to run roughshod over the investing class? Do you really think that in the time it takes your nanny to transport your child to school that they will feel the need to have another poached egg?
I could support this line item if it were some anti-oxidant rich smoothie that was given to kids for brunch, but in its current form, I see no reason that children should be robbing honest Americans of the opportunity to win big on the smattering of startup tech firms simply because they were too busy playing with their iPad to finish breakfast at home.
How will they explain this to future generations? “I’m sorry son, but you will have to drive an Acura to school. My father was forced to pay a 20% fee on his investments when I was a child because I wanted another helping of smoked Alaskan salmon when I was your age.” I shudder to think of it, my grandchild in an Acura for God’s sake!
To put it in a way that even public university graduates will understand, my hedge fund is a person, a person that supports accruing generational wealth for hundreds of the future leaders of industry, banking, finance and technology. Don’t rob this person of the right to explore the moon or to invest in startups without the threat of being held hostage by taxation on success because some greedy kids want a second breakfast.
I am certain that after this oversight comes to light we will leave breakfast to the nannies and mothers across the U.S. who rely on that breakfast to create something for them to do in the morning.
To the moon, gentlemen, to the moon!
